You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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