She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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