The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
