Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
