he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
