4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
