Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
