i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
