yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
