im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
