Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
