Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
