"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
