it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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