He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
