I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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