the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
