This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
