I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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