FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
