No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
