Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
