sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
