Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
