just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
