He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
