So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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