how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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