Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i now understand why vodka
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
