they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
