i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
