Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
