Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
