Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
