Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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