I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I forget how to act sober
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