i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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