Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
