Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
