Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she told me i tasted like america
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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