Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm lost and stupid without you.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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