I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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