I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
