I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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