he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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