Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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