when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Ambien. No doubt about it.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
