Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
