I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
