oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
vagina is talking i cant
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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