I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
