I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
